I’m back in the business of doing online applications, and an unfortunate reminder of my hate for filling out applications are the stupid Unicru tests that retail companies have become oh-so-dearly fond of. As you probably know, when applying online to such retail businesses as Staples, Best Buy, or whatever, toward the end of the application you have a long 20-30 minute test that ask you stupid, repetitive, personality screening test questions like:
- I enjoy talking to strangers.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
- There are some people I really can’t stand.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
Before, I was so oblivious about the purpose of these tests that I would actually answer truthfully. After a being rejected repeatedly and never seeing an interview, I began to realize that I might have to lie to get by these tests. Chanel laughed at me when I told her this and said “That’s what I’ve been doing the whole time! You mean to tell me you’ve been telling them the truth? HAHAHA!” SMH
. Anyway, I'm beginning to answering the questions based on what they might want to hear.
- I enjoy talking to strangers.
- Strongly Agree!
Real answer- Hell no.
- There are some people I really can’t stand.
- Strongly Disagree!
Real answer- Hell yeah, basically the entire universe…
You get the idea. So after I've started lying on the tests, I gotten plenty of interview opportunities. Sadly, I'm picky and haven't called back for any of them.
The Unicru tests are poorly designed to seek out people with an extroverted, happy-go-lucky, optimistic personality, that can be easily brainwashed into listening to an idiot manager and backward company policies. The type of people who actually enjoy doing the same BS over and over again, can get yelled at by customers and by managers, smile about it, and go all Kunta Kiente on them. “Yes massa, I was wrong.” Basically people who don’t have a mind of their own and don’t have emotions- human robots.
Unfortunately, if an introverted person were to answer truthfully, he/she would get a “red flag” on his/her application and won’t be able to be hired. I think the same concept applies to an emotional person, a pessimistic person, or anyone the least bit normal. I personally could care less about working retail, but unfortunately, even introverted people need temporary jobs to get by in life, and to discriminate against us in this way is horrible, but understandable. Retail companies are sick of having people who can think for themselves around.
Once you get the idea of what the Unicru test’s purpose is, you can easily get by them by answering the way you think the company may see as the ideal employee (a brainwashed, optimistic robot). Stick with answering “Strongly Agree” or “Strongly Disagree” and avoid answering just plain “Agree” or “Disagree”. I used to answer with a plain “Agree” or “Disagree” when I’m unsure of what they want to hear. There are companies that have similar tests to Unicru, so the same concept applies to them.
Anyway, forget them. And forget the retail environment for not liking my introverted, negative, people hating personality. That’s why I lie to get jobs. Ha.
